Cinematic Magic - How you know you've watched an Amazing Movie

I am going to go out on a limb here and presume that you've watched a movie before. Throughout your life, you've sat down for an hour and a half or more, and watched a cinematic creation from start to finish.

The films range from funny to scary, silly to serious, alive to animated, whatever you wish. There are so many movies you could watch, that you really just don't know what to watch.

Thankfully, the Internet is your source for all information, and the typing of keys and the clicking of a mouse is all you need to do to get from point A to B. Even more-so, we have a certain website called www.Google.com/. It is this magnificent thing that has cataloged nearly every website, and all you need to do is type in a keyword.

I'm just being sarcastic: I know you know how the Internet mostly works.

Anyway, I was intending on leading my first sentence of that rant into saying, "And the Internet brings us this website", but... I guess I just over-complicate things a little bit.

So, two years ago, I checked the "Top 250 movies" list and have begun to pick each film off one-by-one. The first film i clocked in this list was "The Dark Knight", Christopher Nolan's rendition of the Caped Crusader himself, Batman. Technically, I watched it a year before, but I've watched the Dark Knight so many times that I don't think it really matters. I also think only psychotics would care that I've completed a check-mark before I started the list.

"I now remember that Heath Ledger died! Waaaahh!"

This actually brings me to my reason for posting. Just this night, I finished watching "The Silence of the Lambs". For those who don't know what The Silence of the Lambs is, allow me to abridge it for you:

A young FBI agent, Clarice Starling (played by Jodie Foster) is sent to a high-security prison for the criminally insane to interview Dr. Hannibal Lecter (played by Anthony Hopkins), a psychotic yet gentlemanly man who is a cannibal, for experience in her field of study. Starling began to get answers from Lecter regarding another psychopath notably named "Buffalo Bill", which Starling's superior unintentionally wanted from the good doctor. This sends Starling into psychological journey to find Buffalo Bill and arrest him for his notable crime: killing and skinning women.

I don't want to go into a lot of detail, but to be put simply, this movie is now in my Top 10 movies list. It was riveting, captivating, gruesome, mind-twisting, and just... amazing. My brothers, who've watched this movie before, were heading out to a party of some sort and thought the best thing to do is to sit down where I am and talk about stupid things like relations and sports and shit like that. I nonchalantly turned the volume up so they got the hint, but being normal kids of this generation, they don't get simple hints when they're being nuisances and so I had to be "a little bitch" and shoo them away. Like being between a rock and a hard place.

This movie is my eighth movie checked off the list I hypothetically made. I've watch The Shawshank Redemption, Pulp Fiction, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Momento and Inception in that order, and I've found a reoccurring theme going on:

A good movie is something that touches your insides. That feeling that's like there's butterflies in your stomach, or when your throat keeps tightening up, or when you feel suddenly cold... for all the movies above, I felt the same.

It feels like shit is going to go down, and when it does... whoa...

The same happens even for animated films like Toy Story or The Incredibles. The feeling isn't exactly as I mentioned above, but you still felt something inside of you, right? When Mr. Incredible infiltrates that island and finds the list of deceased superheroes(spoiler alert)? Didn't that make you feel something?

I also have to give honourable mentions to one of my favourite films, "V for Vendetta". This is the movie that really altered my outlook on cinema. It really plays with your mind a little when you know everything fit into place. It gives you that feeling of, "oh my god... everything that happened... wasn't for show, or for murderous bloodlust... there was a reason...", and the scenes when Natalie Portman is confined as a cellmate to the testing labs V was put though (more spoilers), or when you see the progression of the scientific testings and the viruses, and the ever-growing evilness of the government, or the enlightening of the investigators...

I can't put into words how much I love that movie. Even though anyone could argue, I still think V for Vendetta is my favourite movie and will be forever. I have watched it more than 5 times and have not considered stopping.

But now everyone likes it... Damn sheep...

Like V, The Silence of the Lambs WENT DOWN. I mean, it just blows your mind when you finally figure the purpose of Bill's killings, and when you see Bill's... whoever... in the Bathtub, or when you see the skin bodysuit, or Hannibal's escape... there are so many aspects that gave me the same "oh boy... game... set... and match..." feeling that V for Vendetta and all those other movies did. (LOL MOAR SPOYLRS)

So what I'm saying is that you should check out The Silence of the Lambs someday. It's a very good movie, and it will certainly get you thinking.

Best of Wishes met by Paranoid Despair!

Whether it's obvious or not, Christmas is literally around the corner! What better to celebrate the season with... Mayan celebrations?

I am paranoid, and so are so many people. We believe that everything is and/or can be out there to get you, and all you have to do is to go out of line before a mysterious troupe featuring Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones take me away to some unknown location to be tested on for human-to-alien DNA splicing (not all paranoid people believe this, but it is a commonly accepted theory).

OH GOD THEY REALLY EXIST!

So, when I heard "The world will end on December 21, 2012", I reacted like any normal person would: got as many weapons I could and build a "Fortress of Solitude".

Unfortunately, I couldn't fit my suit of armor in the picture.

Just joking!... except for the suit of armor.

But seriously. I took the news as a hoax, since I am not only paranoid, but I am cynical: like most people. People saying the world is going to end is like saying we'll be able to invent flying cars: extremely possible and will definitely happen, but not for a long, LONG time.

I guess we're -61 days due for another rapture

However, many people believe that it will actually occur: December 21st, 2012 is going to be the doomsday.

I'm not going to believe it, but I'm also not going to not believe it, since it could actually happen. Who knows why.

"Wait... did Command tell us NOT to launch the bombs?"

I guess you're now wondering where this article is going. Well, if you take a look here, you'll figure it out.

Yes, in fact, many people in South America are now celebrating the End of the World because it will bring in a lot of tourism to many places like Maccu Pichu and Chichen Itza. They are expecting around 52 million dollars in Tourism in 2012: more than double 2011's catch (24 million or so).

So, what's your take on the End of the World? What will happen? What will you do?

Me? I'm going to research the exact time when the world will end, go to downtown Hamilton or Limeridge Mall, and then I'm going to play Chocolate by  Snow Patrol at exactly 2 minutes and 44 seconds before the designated time and watch the madness.

I actually just discovered this song yesterday. Maybe it means something?

Anyway, thanks for reading, and have a happy holiday!

Fasting/Vegan Recipes - Kooky Chocolate Cake

Want to make one of the simplest brownie recipes ever? Just follow this article...

Back in the good ol' days of the early 2000s, I used to be an innocent 8 year old boy. I played sports, I played video games, I practiced piano, and I even baked and cooked!

Actually, in retrospect, I really haven't changed very much.

Anyway, I believe I promised a few recipes a few days ago. I apologize for not getting on this earlier, but I soon learned that taking pictures while baking is surprisingly difficult! Thank God this recipe isn't took difficult!

So, here we go: Kooky Chocolate Cake

I received this recipe from an old recipe book that had tons of recipes without eggs or milk. I believe it was made in Serbia, Russia or Greece, but it was written in English, so I didn't need to have a translator with me while doing this :D

Anyway, my Mom used to make this recipe every time we'd fast: three times a year. She noticed that I liked baking with her that she gave me the duty to make this all by myself. It was my first solo culinary task that I've ever got then, so it meant a lot to me.

Despite my lack of experience and young age, the cake turned out decently well. It has continued to be a traditional dessert of ours during these religious times. 

That being said, I don't think any of my readers will find this recipe difficult to make, unless you've never baked anything in your life. Well... if so, then perhaps it's time to start!

So, here's what you'll need to make this:

- INGREDIENTS -

-Dry-

1½ cups of Flour

¾ cup of Sugar

½ cup of Cocoa Powder (Nesquik is highly recommended)

1 teaspoon of Baking Soda (Extremely Important)

¼ teaspoon of Salt

~Moist~

 1 tablespoon of Vinegar (Extremely Important)

1 teaspoon of Vanilla Extract

1/3 cup of Oil (Vegetable recommended)

1 cup of Cold Water

First things first: Make sure you have all these things and all the equipment necessary.

You require at least 1 measuring cup and a set of measuring spoons. You need at least a teaspoon and a tablespoon. You also need 1 medium-sized bowl and a square baking pan that measures to 9-inches. I use a glass Pyrex pan, since there isn’t a chance of it leaving flavour in your food, unlike metal pans.

Also, make sure to pre-heat your oven to 350 Fahrenheit (or 175 Celsius).

In this picture, I’ve displayed all the items I use. If you can find these ones exactly, then that’s great, but if not, then don’t fret. As long as you have to same type of ingredient, you shouldn’t have any problems.

Step 1: Dry Ingredients

Add all of the dry ingredients into the medium-sized bowl in the exact order as listed above. If you live in the United States or elsewhere, you might have to sift these ingredients instead, since that is what the recipe originally asked for.

Once all the dry ingredients are in the bowl, just mix with a spoon or an electric mixer. You don’t need any large equipment, since this recipe is decently small.

Mix it until your mixture looks same the whole way through. It should look like this.

Step 2: Moist Ingredients

Add the vinegar into the dry ingredients. This is very important because the vinegar, being the rising agent in this cake, needs time to have direct contact with the baking soda. 

Once you’ve added the vinegar, it should start bubbling like this:

Add the remaining ingredients. 

Once they’re all in the bowl, mix it with either a spoon or an electric mixer. The mixer is obviously a better choice, since it mixes the batter better. Don’t overmix the ingredients too much. In fact, I think you only need to mix the batter for 1 minute, but make sure it is all mixed together and becomes one homogenous mixture without notable dry parts, like this:

If it’s slightly bubbling, that means it is working!

Step 3: Into the Pan

Before you put the mixture into the pan, pour a small amount of oil into the pan and spread it all around the bottom and sides, using a paper towel. Alternatively, you could use cooking spray on the bottom. It is just as efficient and doesn’t grease your hands up. You’re also not wasting a perfectly good paper towel.

Just use the same oil you added to the cake.

Once the bottom is greased, pour the batter into the pan. For greater efficiency, use your spoon or a spatula, if you’re fancy, to scrape the sides of the bowl to get all of the batter. This is also a great chance to test your mixture, since eating this raw can’t kill you (since there are not eggs in it)

Also, make sure you’ve pre-heated your oven to 350 Fahrenheit (or 175 Celsius). This is important since you need to have a perfect heat in your oven for it to bake properly. Unfortunately for me, I didn't preheat this cake, and, although it tasted amazing, it didn’t look professional.

Also, make sure to have a rack in the middle of the oven. This is also important for baking reasons that I'm unsure of.

Put the pan into the oven, and set a timer for 35 minutes. This is an approximate time, since all ovens work differently. Usually, you’ll need to add a few extra minutes so the cake is baked to your liking.

To check if the cake is baked properly, stick a toothpick in the centre of the cake. If it comes out clean, then that means that your cake does not need any more baking and you’re technically done. If you get even a little bit of cake on the toothpick, keep it in the oven for another 5 minutes or so.

And after the 35+ minutes have elapsed, you’re done! Let the cake cool for at least 30 minutes before cutting, removing, or putting icing on.

If you want a condensed, "printable" version of this recipe, just copy and paste the following into your word processor.

KOOKY CHOCOLATE CAKE

Ingredients:

-Dry-

1½ cups of Flour

¾ cup of Sugar

½ cup of Cocoa Powder (Nesquik is highly recommended)

1 teaspoon of Baking Soda (Extremely Important)

¼ teaspoon of Salt

~Moist~

1 tablespoon of Vinegar (Extremely Important)

1 teaspoon of Vanilla Extract

1/3 cup of Oil (Vegetable recommended)

1 cup of Cold Water

1. Preheat your oven to 350 F. Set an oven rack in the middle of the oven. Grease a 9-inch pan with oil.

2. Combine all dry ingredients together in the same order as above. Mix until mixture looks homogeneous.

3. Add all moist ingredients in the same order as above. Blend together until mixture looks homogeneous. 

4. Pour the mixture into the 9-inch pan. Place the pan on the middle rack of the oven, and bake for 35+ minutes

5. Set to cool for at least 30 minutes. Enjoy!

Orthodox Fasting - A Slow Process

A little bit different from "traditional" fasting, but for the same purpose.

For those who don't know, I am Serbian Orthodox Christian. The true differences there are between Catholic and/or other sects of Christianity is pretty much the holidays we celebrate and where our head pope is.

One major difference is that we celebrate Christmas on January 7th: 11 months earlier than normal Christmas. Another is that we celebrate a certain saint on one certain day (probably the day they were martyred), which for me, occurs on November 8th. I celebrate Saint Demetrius, a pretty badass guy for being pretty much a hipster crusader "when Christianity and fighting for God wasn't cool"

(Insert ironic glasses)

But one thing we do is Fast. 

I'm not sure what other religions do this, but we pretty much can't eat anything that comes from animals, making us... hipsters to vegetarians?

"Shaving is so mainstream"

So, what happens is that we must make due with fruits, vegetables, grain-products, nuts, and fish. Fish are eatable because... well, either they're not "creatures of Gods Earth" (since they live in water) or because of that whole situation with Jesus and multiplying loaves of bread and fillets of fish.

"... And that's where MacDonald's gets its 'Fillet O'Fish' " 

Thanks to modern science and preservatives, there are tons of recipes that use things like Cool Whip and Margarine and Marshmallows. In fact, Rice Krispie Squares are one of our favourite desserts during this time. 

Anyway, in the next few days, I'll be posting recipes that require no eggs or milk. I've kind of run out of time, so it'll have to wait until tomorrow. 

Thanks for reading!

A 25 Year Old Pen - Not the Write Place to Store It...

Have you ever swallowed gum?


Everyone tells you "Don't swallow it! It will not come out for another 7 years!". But then. people say, "Eww, spitting is disgusting. Don't do it!" and, "don't throw your gum on the floor! That's disgraceful!".


So, the pros overweighed the cons... erm, the cons of disposing the gum properly overruled the cons of swallowing it, so that is what I do. As in, I still do it. Constantly. All. The. Time.


Why? Maybe it's because I think it's a myth that items you swallow stay in your stomach. Your gum just takes about 7 years to digest.


However, I'm not so confident about my position now, after reading this.

"Man, where is a pen when you need one?"

Apparently, a woman swallowed a pen accidentally, and no one believed her. 25 years later, she begins to have other health problems (she is now 76 years old), and finds that the pen is still in there. It was later extracted and in fact, works.


That's just fascinating that a pen that old stuck in a moist, acidic environment would survive, never mind operate afterwards.


And better yet, the woman's stomach and digestive tract is pretty much unscathed! Now that's what I'd call a miracle!
This is just another example of the quality of items back then in comparison to now. I can tell you, stick a new pen in your mouth for 2 minutes (don't actually do it!) and it won't work.
If you want to see my full rant on Item Quality, click here.


I guess the moral of the story is "Don'tcha Put it in youe Mouth!", followed by duo with one deranged looking... thing.

AAAAAAHHHHH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Thanks for reading!

...And the Coddling Continues

Will it ever end? Will both us and the Native Americans get over the past?

If any of you are frequent readers of my blog, I wrote an article talking about the Attiwapiskat crisis occuring. If you didn't and are curious, then click here.

If you're stubborn, then I'll abridge the situation for you.

A reserve called Attiwapiskat is in trouble because the citizens are living is terrible conditions. The Canadian Government has given 90 million dollars or so to assist them, but it all came to no avail: The money has disappeared.

My stance on the situation is that these problems wouldn't occur if we only stopped helping the First Nations people. They'll learn to become normal citizens and they will soon not need any more assistance.

Now, after reading the news, it seems like the government is going to help them some more.

Apparently, they're going to send in 15 housing projects so they can live comfortably and healthily.

"Now, Stevie", you may say, "What's you problem? They're in dire need of help, and it's the governments issue to resolve. What, wouldn't you help someone when they're in need of help?"

Ok, hypothetical reader, I understand your stance on this situation. It is true that they are in need of help. However, they wouldn't be in this situation if it weren't for your tax-dollars feeding them.

Let me ask: where are you? Inside a house? An apartment? A condominium? Regardless of your housing, you are living with a safe roof above your head (hopefully). You or your parents have a job, and they make money to fund their housing expenses and living costs. You are not surviving off squatting or hand-outs.

They are, however, and that is what makes us different from them. If we are to treat everyone equally, then we have to treat them like a common citizen in Canada with no special treatment, LIKE ALL OTHER ETHNIC RACES.We have to stop giving them special treatment, because when we do, people treat them with inferiority, and can never work hand-in-hand with world equality.

If you're Asian of any sort, are you given free homes? How about reduced taxes and/or cheaper post-secondary education? No. In fact, I hear that the price of tuition for new immigrants has practically doubled to stop the "Brain Drain" effect from occurring, and yet, I never hear or see Asians complain. I still see them going to school to get an education, and I still see them becoming doctors and businessmen.

I really wanted to show you a video, and then stop on a few certain sections. However, CBC has provided high-quality pictures to demonstrate my point:

This is the inside of one of the tents at Attiwapiskat. It looks rather barren and unlivable, right?

However, then is something very glaring that strikes me as odd: why do they have a flat-screen TV?

How are they affording this, while they can't afford homes with proper lighting, heating, or plumbing?

This is why I can't feel empathy towards them, because they choose to purchase televisions, but "forget" to buy a roof over their heads. This is why we have to stop the coddling.

If we do, then we they can finally become successful members of society instead of problems.


Also, if any of you are insulted, please open your eyes. I am NOT saying they are bad people. I am NOT saying they should die or be put into concentration camps. I AM saying they should be treated like you or me. I AM saying that the problem is our fluffy and protective government that can't tell them that they aren't special anymore.

Thanks for reading (again). Have a nice day.

Attawapiskat - A (First) National Problem

A First Nations reserve is in terrible condition, and 90 million dollars have been thrown at the problem. Just who caught it?

One thing I haven't been a huge fan of would be the over-coddling of the First Nations people of Canada. They are given all kinds of extra rights, many acres of land, and cheaper living costs, and yet, there always seems to be a problem with them.

Of course, they do deserve some special compensation for the ways they have been treated in the past. The European explorers and settlers traded their land for simple sentimental items alien to the Natives, and they treated them like animals. I understand that they should be known for being the first people here in Canada and the United States and we took it from them, but I begin to lose empathy when I consider other ethnic groups who are ridiculed and discriminated against who are living and surviving without special compensation.

When I start this argument, I usually point to the Jewish and African-American peoples who have both suffered many injustices and say, "They aren't wallowing in their past. They have mostly moved on from their dark ages and have become successful and beneficial members of our society without assistance. Why can't the First Nations people move on and become successful?” This usually shuts people up, because they can go one of three ways:

1. "No, they are successful." where I ask who is both a Native and notably successful, to which I get a vague answer.

OR

2. "Well, there always are problems with the Jews and Blacks". To which I reply, "Isn't that a bit stereotypical? Are you going to suggest Blacks are criminals and Jews are cheap scammers?” I do understand the hypocrisy, however, it gets my arguer in defense mode and they can't give solid arguments then.

OR

3. "I agree. Why is that?" to which I continue on my points.

The Aboriginal argument of "Help them" or "Don't help them" becomes a fight between the majority of people arguing with you. If you're in a classroom, don't even consider suggesting to not help them, since everyone at school really wants to save the world but don't see the realistic picture of the world. You'll get so many "You're Racist!" and "Hitler Jr. over here!" kind of statements that kids will begin to not listen to you anymore. It happens to me too often, unfortunately.

So, in Geography class, we began the day with watching a news article about this situation. Check out this link for an article that is connected to this story.

There is a reserve called Attawapiskat in Ontario, near James Bay, where the inhabitants are living in extremely poor living conditions. Their houses are primarily tents and run-down homes, where little insulation and lots of mould has been growing there, which will make their already-arrived winter very hard to live in.

The Canadian government has spent a total of around 90 million dollars to assist the reserve in rebuilding it and giving the inhabitants schools, healthcare centre’s, and proper living conditions. The money, however, has not reached the Natives there, and they continue to live poorly. Why is that?

The question that is on people's mind is, "Who took the money?” That is a very good question: was it a lack of government communication or corruption in the Reserve's funding?
Apparently, the Reserve never had a financial advisor or accountant to assist them with their problem, which could mean the money could have been lost electronically due to a lack of communication.

My question is, "Why are they living in those conditions in the first place? Why do they need the help?", and this is where my article is heading to.

Recall the saying, "Give a man a fish, he eats for a day; give a man a fishing rod, he eats for life", which can be applied against any philanthropic activities used to help people. Why do we constantly spend millions of dollars with band-aid solutions when we could be solving all kinds of world problems like cancer and gender/racial equality?

What I'm getting at is that Natives have become too dependant on the Canadian government and so, they can't function without the assistance of others. They are given their own land and their own rights, but do not fully know how to function as a member of the modern world.

Their problem is their traditions and their nationality, not the people. Their previous lifestyle never included education but rather, hunting and rituals. They aren't going to go to school and learning a skill or trade when they can live their old life with the assistance of the Canadian government without a problem. They have no incentive to become successful.

Do new immigrants need to rely on hand-outs? Do they need to live in their own sects and communities? No, they don't. They move to Canada on hopes of earning an education and becoming self-reliant members of society so they can live well.

We as a society have to find an answer to the "help or not" question. If we answer "Yes", then we will continue to spend tax-payers money on a quagmire of problems that, although it is philanthropic, will continue to grow bigger and bigger. However, if we answer "No", then they can stop living in the past, stop receiving help, and start becoming highly successful and self-reliant members of our society. This process will take at least a whole other generation, but the end-result will be great.

As usual, I apologize to anyone who is Native American and took offense to this. I am not apologizing to those who aren't and are already beginning to write angry replies to this, stating that I'm evil and fascist. You are the cause for why thousands of the world’s problems persist longer than they should, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Thank you for reading. Have a nice day.

Occasional Grievance - Hype

How many of you genuinely wait many hours just to have something first? How many of you post on your blogs and facebook about how amazing that item is? How many of you defend this item until death do you part?


It's a part of human nature that I can't wrap my finger around. When I saw people camping out in front of Best Buy just to be the first to have a Playstation 3, only to have a few people killed because of fanatical shoppers, I barely felt any pity at all. Obviously, it was awful for these people to die, but it seems very silly when the cause is because of this need to have something first.


When you get something first, you never win. Never, especially with video game-related items.


First of all, when you're buying something that no one has seen or played before, you're the explorer of the vast unknown: You don't know if it will be worth the wait or a giant waste of time. If you bought the item a week later, there would have been reviews, critiques, and walkthroughs written by then, which can tell you if this product is well worth the purchase. Not only that, but sometimes, some games are so bad and unimpressive that the price can drop drastically even within a week, which could save you those few extra dollars and a few more hours of sleep. 


You can even buy these games used after, saving a little bit off of the original price. This path usually isn't the best to take, since buying new items means you get all of the perks the full game had without losing any content (see Batman: Arkham City. If you purchased it new, you got to play as Catwoman as well, where you couldn't if you got it used).


Now, I can't stop people from waiting in front of stores for the next biggest thing... ok, actually, I can, but then I'd become a criminal, and I'm not that annoyed to commit a crime just for this...
Anyway, the reason why people are sucked into this world is mostly because the game is given promise or has some sort of pedigree, whether it be a promising developer or an excellent prequel to this game. Here's an example of such, despite is general failure:



Remember when Duke Nukem 3D was made? In 1996, the developers 3D Realms announced a sequel called "Duke Nukem Forever" to be made in 2000. That year, the developers declared a delay to the release schedule, predicting the year 2002. A few in-game photos were taken, giving gamers hope that the game will still be made. 2002 comes around, and no game is released, to be delayed another few years. A year at a time, new gameplay footage is shown, blue-balling gamers until 2009 when 3D Realms' staff finally are fired from the development of the game, and the rights are given to 2K Games and Gearbox Software. The game is finally released in June/July 2011 and from what I've heard, it's mediocre at best.

From what I can guess... I actually have no idea what happened in the 14 year delay. It seems like Treyarch and Infinity Ward can make a new Call of Duty game every second year, and Bungie is able to make a Halo-related game each second year, and Bethesda Softworks has made 4 games in 2011 alone (Brink, Hunted: The Demon's Forge, RAGE, and The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim), and yet, 3D realms can't make just one?


Despite is average reception, it still sold more than 400,000 copies, all coming from people expecting something half-decent. 


So, next time something big or exciting comes out, please, PLEASE don't make a big deal about it... or better yet, don't even consider telling me how amazing it's going to be. I'll think of you as an 8 year old child who's just trying to get my attention and I'll just think that you're an idiot. 

I'll also preemptively apologize to anyone who preorders or wait outside for something. 


Thanks for your time.

The Equestrian Delicacy - Morse (or Heat) and Nutrition

TheOatmeal was right: We SHOULD eat horses!

Did I catch your attention, all you animal lovers? Mission Accomplished!

But seriously, if you have become a regular reader of TheOatmeal's comics and articles on his own website (http://theoatmeal.com/), then you'll know that as a child, he lived on a farm which had horses, and he tells of his terrible experiences with these noble beasts.

If you want to see the article, click here.

But now, what do I see on the news? Why, horse slaughter has become legal, of course.

"AAAAHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHH!"

See, this is something that really perplexes me. Why is the current American President Barack Obama focusing his efforts on lifting bans on horse consumption rather than, oh, let’s say, attempting to fix the current American debt problems?

You all heard of it: The United States' credit rating dropped because they couldn't pay off their debts. Why, I was in Switzerland enjoying the fresh Luzernian landscape and you couldn't find a news television channel that didn't follow the situation by the minute! If you've never heard of it, then you probably do not read the news.

Oh look! Another tangent! Better get back on topic!

Right, Horses.

Now, all I'm thinking about this situation is, "Oh dear, we have another source to add to the MacDonald’s mystery meat? And what are they going to call the meat? Heat? Morse?”

 

 See what I did here???

This situation has already raised some controversy with the American people, so much so that about 70% of all Americans are against this choice. Apparently, Obama has lifted the ban to slaughter and produce the animal, but also placed a ban on the meat being sold inside the American States, where its primary consumers would become Mexico and Canada.

This kind of worries me, but... what if horse meat is actually... good?

I saw a person defending the legalization of the meat by saying that:

"Horse meat is USDA-recommended. It's low in fat, very high in protein, and has double the iron of lean beef and other meats. It also has a high concentration of omega-3 fatty acids, which help fight stroke, heart disease and neurodegeneration."

Really? Is that true? Most of us see meat as a source of fat, calories and pretty much everything bad. Yet, if this is true, then Morse (or Heat) will quickly become expensive and much sought after.

However, I have a little bit of evidence that Morse (...or Heat) could be good for you... Well, more-so a story.

You see, back in the 1960s, my dad was still living in the Former Yugoslavia in a small village called Drvar (which resides in current-day Bosnia and Herzegovina) before he moved to Canada. His neighborhood was primarily farmland, so they pretty much fed themselves.

One day, he got a very bad fever, one which couldn't be cured by medicine since they lived in the countryside. His mother, my grandmother, however, had a cure: Horse Milk.

It apparently was the worst thing he's ever tasted. Ever worse, he had to milk the horse himself for some sort of traditional reason.

A day later, his fever quickly diminished, and for all I know, I may have not been born if it weren't for Horse Milk.

So, will Morse become the next hot thing, or will it be seen as disgusting? Only time can tell.

Thanks for your time.

Hilarity ensues on the Internet!

No, no... this isn't a video of a cat who trips out or a laughing baby... although those are pretty funny regardless :).

I noticed that I'm actually getting some page views! In total, I've amassed about 65 views!
I am registered under Monetise, some weird way to make money via this blog. It pretty much just multiplies some number by the amount of page views I get and I make the end result. So far... I've made $0.01! MAN, I'M LIVING HIGH ON THE HOG!

But out of all seriousness, for all of those who are human and reading my stuff, thanks a lot!

So, I took a look at my sources. Obviously, one of them is Newsclip. Every time I post a new article, I post it there, so I get a little bit of traffic that way.

However, this is this one source called http://ow.ly/7uZRF

What... is... that??? Some sort of virus? Some crazy conspiracy website where they see hidden messages in my words of "wisdom"?

Nope. It's some sort of advertising website. What happens is that it transfers you some other website called http://commissioncommando.com/go/. Here, we see a large-scale web advertisement. No biggy. It's just another big annoyance.

So, I tried to close it, as you would if you saw this. However, this website said, "NO. NO U CANT LEEV. I WAWNT U 2 GIV ME CREDT CARD NUMBR!" and one of those infamous "Wait! Don't leave!" messages. However, this one... really took the cake.

"W A I T - You DO NOT Want My Free Course Worth $197?" it said, advertising some product called Assassination or something. I guess it really IS some sort of conspiracy website :P.

"Ok, How about something REALLY Special"

How about, I said. How about it?

"I want to give you a HUGE Discount of 25% OFF!"

OH BOY! 25% OFF OF A FREE PRODUCT! NOW I'M TOTALLY EXCITED! 

After I closed the website, I noticed about half of my views are coming from Russia, which more or less come from this... site. YAY...

I hope you guys and girls found this entertaining, because I found it friggin' hilarious. 

Again, for all those humans from Canada, the United States, France, Germany, India and Netherlands who are actually reading this, thanks again for the support! 

Grievance List - Modern Appliances

You know what is absolutely awful? When you find some sort of awesome looking appliance at your local kitchen-decor store that speaks to you, saying ,"BBBUUUUYYYY MMMMMEEEEE"...

In Hamilton, we have one major shopping mall: Limeridge Mall. It is pretty damn large with something like 200 stores. Anybody could go there and buy something they'd like. From what I noticed, there is usually at least two stores that generally offer the same thing, like how there's a Sears and They Bay on opposite sides, or how there's two video game places (EB Games and Gamestop), which are strangely owned by the same company...

It is a great shopping destination, and I can tell you that it will become busy around the months to come up to Christmas.

So, during the summer, I went into the HomeSense they have there. I usually like going inside there because it has a pleasant smell and there are a lot of cool appliances there. Today, I found myself one of those, "I want it, I want it!" things: a Popcorn Machine. It was painted red, and had a small set of wheels attached that gave me a feeling of retro nostalgia (not that I've ever seen one on the street). It cost about $50, because it was on some sort of sale.

I bought it without a doubt. "Man, I am the worst manager of money" i told myself, "Maybe i should stop spending money on things like this and video games and Magic cards"... HA! If only I cared about that. I had a summer job and had no use for money other than that and gifts for other people.

Anyway, I brought the machine home, and it worked alright. We already had a popcorn-making machine, but it was kind of old, and has that over-hydrated-pee-yellow colour.

 This colour

Therefore, I felt like a North-American and said, "Screw it! Out with the old, in with the new!".

After a week of using it, I noticed the efficiency percentage of well-done popped corn versus popping corn placed in heating tub was slowly dwindling... ever so slowly... until it became a lot worse... and I may as well have popped to corn with my own breath.

So, after maybe a month of usage, the popper became obsolete. It'd sometimes jam, and... it got very messy very quickly. I now am wondering why Jumbo Video used to offer free popcorn from a machine like this, knowing the trouble one has to go through... but maybe that's why they went out of business <:(

Well, here's where the grievance comes into the light: I despise the poor quality of current-day appliances.

Being a boy who likes to cook and bake, I'm used to using mixers and blenders and all kinds of that good... stuff. We have 3 different mixers: onw large base-supported mixer from my parents marriage (26 years +), one small hand mixer, purchased about 9 years ago, and one of those KitchenAid mixers that does all the mixing for you, about 3 years old.

This one, except the bowl is connected to the base

Guess which one has no had a problem yet.

Done?

Hopefully my point was clear enough that you could guess the 26 year-old mixer is still the best-operating appliance of those three. The hand mixer is ok, but it was kind of cheap and the blades are now bent (don't know why), and the KitchenAid mixer is an absolute joke. It mixes everything in the centre and not on the sides, which would be ok, if only you could stick you spatula in the bowl while it's mixing! It infuriates me that I can do a better job mixing with just my hands!

Now, who knows how the 26 year old mixer operates. Maybe it is working on depleted uranium and/or lead, but it does the job extremely well without any problems. Obviously, you have to use the spatula to scrape the sides, but at least you can stick your hand in without getting hurt or... well, not being able to get your hand in there!

I've also noticed the same with blenders. We have a brand-new blender, and our 12 year old thing can out-perform it any day. The only thing that could beat it is the Magic Bullet, which although I'd have to give it credit, it can only blend so much as one time.

Lawnmowers are the same. My Grandma purchased a new electric mower this summer (and involved me in this 3 day fiasco to get it :P) and it can't cut for s**t. Her 50 year old gas-powered thing can literally mow down that grass in a few minutes, while this thing needs a few seconds on each patch... and then needs a 10 minute break after 1 minute of work... and then runs out of battery quickly :(.

Printers? Don't get me or pretty much anybody started... But now that I've thought of it, I'm going to start anyway.
My dad was replacing the printers he had at his office with new models. I asked if I could use one of the older ones. They were about 4 years old and printed only in black-and-white, but It was good enough for me. It also had a photocopier, which was an added bonus. So I took one of them. It worked fine until one day, the Hewlett-Packard toolbox software kept having error messages... 4 months after use. Do note that before this, it printed extremely well and the photocopier worked like a charm. 

After the error-message, the printer kept flashing red and green, and the lightbulb for copying always stayed on. It printed well, however.
So, i attempted customer service, which told me that I needed to pay $60 to renew my warranty. "Screw that" I said.
So, after some fiddling, the blinking stopped and it can photocopy well... except now it can't print.
It is currently gathering dust next to my 7 year old computer.

One of the more obvious things I've noticed are game consoles.

Tell me, how many times have you heard an Xbox 360 or a Nintendo Wii have problems?
Now, tell me how many times you've heard a Nintendo 64 having problems?

Yes, of course, the Nintendo 64 had the whole "Dust" and "Blowing" situation with the cartridges, but it would always work eventually. Not only that, but the situation didn't have anything to do with the console, just the games. 

That being said, I can see why older systems never had problems (besides being hit by a hammer or something like that). Today, we have to rely so much on software inside the hardware. We all know the "dashboards" consoles have now. but did the older systems have that? No. They didn't need a means of organizing their data or profiles or savefiles. All they needed to do was play the game and the game did the rest.

I think consoles now have so much stuffed in their circuit boards that the slightest misstep can lead into absolute catastrophe. Not only that, but CD and DVD drives are so fragile that if you ever touch them, it could lead to all kinds of problems.

Regardless of that last point, I think the world has become too "throw-away"-based. 

What happens when your Apple product breaks? Get a new thing. 

What happens when your Computer Screen burns out? Replace it with something else. 

What happens when your popcorn maker breaks after the warranty is expired? You throw it out a window and attempt to blow it up by placing an aerosol can in the remains and shooting the can with an air-rifle...
Or maybe you just throw it out. 

Regardless of your disposal tactics, you have to throw it out one way or another, and that becomes a waste of materials.

If companies only increased the cost of appliances, made their products from local locations and high-quality materials, then we would not only not have a lack of high-quality appliances, but a reduction of garbage and pollution.

Thanks for reading.